November 23, 2014 § Leave a comment

I just realised that this blog exists. I haven’t been on it in a while, I see. I had almost forgot it existed. I like it though, it looks pretty and I do think I have some reasonable thoughts and reflections once in a while. I still write, of course, just not as publicly as on this blog. Honestly, I think my journal is the only thing that’s keeping me sane. At least at the moment. And yes, at the moment, I am in London. Just like the previous posts would suggest.

I am still me, in every way. Throughout my life I have always believed I belonged in a big city, like London, Paris or New York. After staying in London for a couple of months, I realise that I won’t become this socialite I always wished to be, at least not just because I changed locations. I miss my friends, I miss my home, I miss feeling like I belong, I miss knowing the customs, the culture, the inside jokes and the popular television series. I didn’t know that it would be like this, even though I did feel this way during my stay in France as well. I guess I suspected that the condition under which I was staying was the cause of my uneasiness, rather than the place itself. Perhaps it is like that here, too.

Because yes, student housing is quite similar in France and England. And those countries’ student housing are extremely different than those of Norway. I suddenly understand why foreigners see Norwegian prisons as luxurious. I do honestly think that my flat is worse than the best of Norwegian prisons. Still, I like it here. I think I have made it into my own space, despite the fact that I am only here for two semesters and have to adjust somewhat to the notion of a short-term stay. I have no kitchen, I have no scented candles, no curtains and no control over the placement of the furniture. Yet, I did make art out of magazines and gallery brochures, I stacked my Vogue and Monocle magazines to decorate and I obviously put my heels on display rather than on the floor in a corner.

Yes, there were a few weeks there that I believed I couldn’t stay here any longer. Yes, I did want to go home. I still want to go home. But I am in London. I love taking the bus to the center of town and watching both the London Eye and Big Ben being where they always are. I love the fact that so much is happening – even though I am not partaking in a lot of events myself. I am here to study and that is what I am doing. And I am learning so much. Not only about Georgian Poetry, Hollywod Cinema, British Media, Power and T.S. Eliot, but about myself and about Britain.

So back to the opening words of this post: ‘WHAT NOW? LONDON EDITION’. What am I to do after graduation? That is my primary concern at this moment, although I probably should try to pass my exams before any other decision are made. I just cannot help but wonder, and stress, about the future. What do you do with an English degree? I obviously know what I am good for, but do others? I am going home for Christmas and during that time I have to convince someone else, someone who actually can offer me a job, that I can write and that I want to write. It is the truth, but how do I portray it to make others understand? Shit, I am growing up fast and I have to figure out what I want to do with my life. Maybe next time I share something here I will have the answers? I certainly hope so.


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